Negotiation Fever...?

As I write this, it seems the whole nation is infected with “negotiation fever.” 

The NFL Team Owners and the NFL Players Association have been negotiating for 18 weeks, as millionaires and billionaires argue about how to split up the pot of gold raked in by high ticket prices and lucrative television contracts.

They finally agreed to a deal on Monday that promises that the fans won’t have to endure this drama for ten more years. Let’s hope so. We can continue to plan for the Super Bowl in Indianapolis. Maybe the Colts will be there?

Colts Quarterback, Peyton Manning, and team owner, Jim Irsay, are negotiating a deal that will make Peyton the highest paid player in the NFL.  Rumors are this will amount to $20 Million a year, in addition to endorsements and appearance fees.

Some say that is an obscene amount of money. But at least the Manning’s make good use of their earnings. Peyton and his father, Archie, recently gave $50 Million to build the Peyton Manning Children’s Hospital at St. Vincent on 86^th Street. It is a wonderful children’s hospital.

Meanwhile, President Obama and members of congress, primarily Speaker of the House John Boehner and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, are playing a political game of chicken to determine how this nation is going to settle the debt crisis without further damaging the economy, and who is going to pay for it.

The stakes are high and the risks are very real. But most Americans don’t really understand the positions of each politician, or the divergent economic theories behind them.  So most people are stuck in the role of “cheerleader,” rooting for their favorite politician or party, hoping that their “side” wins, denigrating the other “side” as being either “incompetent leaders,” or members of the “Party of NO.”

Unfortunately, this is how much negotiation happens these days. Rather than seeking a position that satisfies both sides, we tend to “go for the throat” and seek to destroy our opponent and win at all costs, often sacrificing our own integrity in the process. The cost to our nation, or to our relationships with others in our families, our workplaces, our neighborhoods, or our church are often unacceptably high.

When we seek to win the fight rather than solve the problem we usually create additional problems. When we seek to destroy our opponent rather than help them save face, or find a solution that both sides can live with, we usually end up building up walls of resentment and hostility that make negotiation more difficult the next time.

So how can we do a better job in our own discussions with others?  Here are a few simple rules.  (simple to state, but difficult to follow.)

1) Remember in all things, to “speak the truth in love,” and respect each other. Treat the other person as YOU wish to be treated.

2) Seek first to listen and understand the other person’s position. Don’t just listen enough to find a weakness in their argument. Seek to understand the principles behind their position. Don’t assume that you know their reasons or motivations. When we assume, we are usually sadly mistaken.

3) Ask yourself if there is anything in their request to which you can agree. Let them know this up front. 

4) State and explain your own position clearly and calmly. Ask them if there is anything in your position to which they are willing to agree.

5) Negotiate the more difficult points after you have agreed on some common ground.

6) If things start getting too heated, or too personal, call “time out” and cool down. Remember why you are negotiating. Remember that you must attack the problem, not the person. Name calling, blaming, put-downs, intimidation and all the rest have no place in a Christ-like negotiation.  Let love rule!

Good luck . . . And may we always agree to disagree agreeably!

I’ll see you in church!

Pastor Ken